Interviewing Miss Mary Poppins
This morning I am happy to announce that I received a telegram via a black crow from a Miss Mary Poppins, it reads:
To Whom It May Concern:
My name is Miss Mary Poppins and I noticed your advertisement in the Universe Herald of London. Allow me to introduce myself. I am an extraordinary Governess and Nanny. Time does not permit me to relay the many centuries of my childcare experience however if it suits you I would like to arrange an introduction. I shall alight onto your rooftop around 11am.
Might I ask in addition to our interview a good pot of English Breakfast tea? I have flown quite a way and am in need of a reviving beverage. Thank you.
Miss Mary Poppins
MY ADVERT AS IT APPEARED IN THE HERALD
Wanted: One weird Nanny perhaps a cross dresser or someone who employs divination to control children and operates under false pretenses. References not necessary or childcare experience but working 24-7 besides one odd day off here and there would be appreciated. An ability to drive wildly a plus. Background preferred: a strict religious order or an orphanage. Oh and meddling in family affairs would be welcomed.
MISS MARY POPPINS
I have the kettle on and a shiny metallic pot waiting. No biscuits! I have 15 minutes to run to the local grocery and buy some. What would Mary Poppins prefer? Tea biscuits, dry and plain but tasteful. Yes, that’s the ticket.
15 minutes later …
Fortunately the Super is out when the roof alarm sounds. And there straightening her long coat and shaking out an umbrella is Mary Poppins. She’s prettier than I had imagined if a little stern looking. I found Miss Jane Eyre altogether more demure. Perhaps adding a century makes a girl bolder?
After exchanging a few pleasantries Mary and I get down to business:
Oh good tea dear.
Thank you Mary.
For tea bags I mean.
(gulp she’d noticed the Tetleys box in the corner)
Well Mary thank you for crossing the Atlantic for this interview.
Not at all, the South wind was very strong and thankfully today the rain held off.
Where are you from Mary? I mean originally?
Oh well I don’t normally get asked such personal questions.
Yes I understand but in the 21st Century we’re somewhat more exacting in our choice of Nannies.
Quite quite. It is a sign of the times. Well a common misconception is that I am from London Great Britain. This is untrue I simply orbit London a fair deal and have some very dear friends that live there … (smiles) in actual fact I reside on a planet called Tara close to the Maia star and the Pleiades cluster of the Taurus constellation.
Oh so you’re an ET?
Well I prefer the term ‘Visitor’ as I am nothing like that odd looking creature in Mr Spielberg’s film.
You can say that again! So if you don’t mind me asking why are you an Earth Nanny?
(Smirks) Ah yes you’re quite a way behind us in how shall I put it? In terms of philosophy. Ideology?
I get it.
You see in a Grade 3 civilization which is where us Pleiadians are at – we value the role of child development above all others. It is the highest calling one can have. And to be sent to other … less developed … planets … to help nurture the young of that planet is considered the highest privilege of all.
Wow you must be something very special.
I have over 5 thousand years of experience on earth and yes that makes one highly skilled to say the least.
Really? Who have you taken care of? Anyone we know?
(Thinks) Gilgamesh? He was my first and a very spirited boy he was too liked to make up stories well myths really. Plato, Socrates, Nimkah …
Emperor of South American Inca Nation long before the Spaniards landed? It was mostly boys to begin with … Pharaohs, Caesars … an interesting boy called Moses went on to do great things talking of which there was Jeshuah Bin Josef, a very talented child from Nazareth … Genghis Khan was a huge disappointment, Nostradamus, Leonardo da Vinci, Charlemagne the Great, lovely children, quite honestly, it’s a fairly long list … my last charge was Harry Potter now he was a clever chappie. Saved us all from the dark side.
I see … well I hate to ask this but do you think you could provide me with two recent references? Just to check your claims?
(long snooty look) Not at all I shall have my raven deliver them tomorrow.
Thank you very much Mary. I shall be in touch and I wish you a pleasant journey home.
Thank you my dear and do let your readers know that Nannies do an incredible job.
I acknowledged that I would and with that … in a cloud of smoke … Mary Poppins disappeared. I look forward to hearing from her references and hope that some of them are still alive.