Monday Problem: My Nanny’s marrying a … woman?

NOTE: No problems in the inbox this week, so wanted to re-run this one from a year ago. Considering that the repeal of DOMA will help create an increase in same-gender marriages/families nannies will experience this type of arrangement more often. 

Happy July 4th! 


Dear Nanny X,


I’m the mom of four boys aged 5 – 17. My husband and I are fairly liberal Californians. Or so I thought. My Nanny of 9 years just ‘came out’ to us. I mean – not that we were told before her parents or friends, it’s just that she’s decided to marry her long-term GF. Someone we thought was just a good friend. And she wants us all to attend her beach front wedding in 2 weeks and (it gets better) wants to include our boys as attendants. We haven’t told the boys yet because honestly I’m a little pissed. A) She’s only just told us even after years of us asking her about her life away from our home and family, and B) I’m not sure I want the boys to be involved in a ‘gay’ wedding and so soon after they learn their Nanny is gay. 

Am I just being a prude?

Ms V

Dear Ms V

I don’t think you’re a prude I just think you’re in a state of shock. Gay Nanny’s timing is a bit off. But then again to play devil’s advocate Gay Nanny may have been afraid of coming out until she was absolutely sure she wanted to commit to her GF. Also Nannies have a right to keep their private lives private, so don’t feel that she has been duplicit because she’s gay. You also have a right to expose your children to what you consider appropriate. 

Give yourself a couple of days. Talk it over with hubby. Maybe gauge the kids’ opinions to same-sex marriage. Tell your Gay Nanny you take her invitation as a complement. Then make it a family discussion. Take the steam and drama out of the situation. If you, your husband and your children like the idea of attending the wedding of someone you all care about, you may want to allow the experience.  

Nanny X


Nannies: Would you work for a same-gender married couple?