Monday Problem: … Yes … I’m that kind of Nanny
Dear Nanny X,
I’m not sure what to do. I’m having an affair with my boss. Before you judge me please understand I did not set out to break up a family. In fact I feel awful.
It’s like text book … I am 20 years younger than he is. His wife doesn’t understand how sensitive he is. He has three children that I adore and who adore me. And his wife is a cold-hearted woman so wrapped up in her career she doesn’t care about anyone or anything.
I began with the family last year after Grad school and within a few months realized that my crush on my boss was reciprocal. My parents do not want me to become a step-mom as I am only 25, but I love this man and want to be with him forever. He wants to marry me but I am the only reason he hasn’t filed for divorce yet …
A part of me feels bad for splitting up a family.
I know you probably see yourself as more like a Julie Andrews type heroine but you are not. Unfortunately for you, the rest of the world will not see true love, they will see you as an opportunist. It’s not your fault entirely. Society has double-standards when it comes to marriage break-ups with often the husband cast in the light of hapless victim.
Not so …
In this case a married man and a father of three almost twice your age took advantage of a member of his staff and is prepared to sacrifice everything on a fancy. You don’t reveal if you are a live-in nanny or a day nanny – either way – daddy dearest ignored the rules on dating members of staff.
I am not suggesting he is not in a dead marriage. He may well be enormously unhappy although I doubt his wife is not as awful as you make out. Perhaps she is merely talented and driven – not a crime in this country for a woman.
Listen to your parents. At 25 you do not want to be responsible for destroying a family unit. The kids love you now but will they in ten year’s time? How much damage will you help to bring into their young lives let alone confusion … ??
Think this seriously through. I strongly advise you to leave the position immediately and if your ‘true love’ is serious about divorce let him figure all that out first. He needs to leave his wife because their marriage has failed not because he has found a woman half his age to run off with.
You’re young. Take counsel from those who really care about you. If all other appeals to reason fall on deaf ears remember that as nannies our first priority is always to the children in our care – we do no harm.